As a leader, nothing holds more importance than growing your emotional intelligence (EI). Over time, you can then help your whole team to build these qualities.

Why is emotional intelligence so crucial for team success? With EI, people can relate to one another more fully. They’ll learn to see from different perspectives, solve conflicts amicably, and collaborate with skill. Plus, they’ll form strong relationships grounded in trust.

Abundant evidence highlights the clear link between emotional intelligence and high performance. Of 34 core skills, emotional intelligence is the strongest predictor of success — and 90% of high performers have strong EI, research has shown. But you may find yourself thinking, Cultivating my own emotional intelligence is challenging enough. How on earth can I help other people develop it?

In this post, we’ll demystify the process of growing emotional intelligence. By understanding the building blocks of emotional intelligence, you can take regular steps that guide your team in growing the human skills that will help them build close-knit and lasting relationships.

Understanding Emotional Intelligence

Emotional intelligence is a set of personality traits that help people relate to one another effectively. Here are the four key building blocks of emotional intelligence:

• Self-awareness: Understanding of your own emotions and how they affect your reactions to situations.
• Self-management: Ability to self-regulate, staying centered and responding to emotions in productive ways.
• Social awareness: Skill in noticing how others are thinking and feeling.
• Relationship management: Ability to form healthy relationships based in trust and understanding, informed by social awareness.

Developing emotional intelligence and self awareness lets people proactively respond to others’ emotions and manage their own. It’s also crucial for leading through change, helping leaders stay calm and centered in tough situations. As people grow this skill, they’ll build a supportive workplace culture. By the same token, lack of EI can create a toxic work environment, as researchers write in the journal Heliyon. 

For some people, emotional intelligence is more an innate ability, while for others, it can be developed over time. To achieve your full potential as a leader, prioritize growing this set of qualities. 

But don’t stop there — take steps to guide your whole team in developing emotional intelligence. This will foster a supportive work culture where everyone thrives.

Demystifying How to Grow Emotional Intelligence

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A lot has been written about developing emotional intelligence as a leader. But coaching an employee in developing EI may feel more daunting. It may not seem as cut-and-dry as learning a technical skill, after all.

So, how to help someone develop emotional intelligence? 

This begins with helping them tune into self-awareness as well as understanding of others’ feelings. First, by modeling how to lead with emotional intelligence, you’ll set an example that everyone can follow. Second, by coaching people in using these strategies for building emotional intelligence, you’ll guide them in growing the core qualities of EI.

1. Cultivate self-awareness.

Often we go through the day experiencing micro-reactions to minor things without being consciously aware of them. Someone’s tone, or a decision we disagree with, may throw us off even if we don’t stop to think about why. Emotional intelligence begins with tuning into how these everyday situations make us feel.

Journaling is a great way to build self-awareness. You can also ask good questions during one-on-ones to prompt employees to grow this quality:

• “How does that situation make you feel? Why is that?”
• “I noticed you seemed to disagree with X idea earlier. Can you share your thoughts on that?”
• “What would help you to feel more comfortable voicing your thoughts in meetings?”
• “Could you have expressed that thought in a way that would’ve been easier for others to hear? What would that sound like?”

Questions like these can foster greater self-understanding. As people grow that ability, they’ll also be able to tap into others’ emotions more clearly.

1. Get curious about what others think and feel.

As a leader and coach, you can prompt people to get curious about how others are feeling and why. Using simple exercises, you can help them understand a situation from different angles.

• “Where do you think that reaction stemmed from?”
• “What led them to make that choice?”
• “How would you describe their communication style? Is it different from yours?”

By helping people understand situations from others’ perspectives, you’ll help them cultivate empathy. In particular, prompt them to consider the perspectives of those with different backgrounds from their own. In addition, help them find common ground with those who are different from them, as the American Psychological Association says. This will help you build a more connected, inclusive, and emotionally intelligent team.

1. Read people’s body language.

Remind people to pay attention to the cues that others are giving them through their posture, eye contact, expressions, and movements. If someone is fidgeting a lot, they could be feeling uncomfortable. However, they could also just have a lot of energy. Look for combinations of signs instead of relying on just one, and consider cultural differences in body language.

To help people tune into body language, ask them to practice observing these cues in meetings. As they consciously become aware of colleagues’ or clients’ gesture, stance, and expression, they’ll gain insights about how they feel in these moments.

1. Pause to ask questions.

Emotional intelligence doesn’t mean you can read people’s minds. In many cases, it’s crucial to stop and ask questions about how they’re doing. Recognizing the need to ask the question signals emotional intelligence.

For example, if I get onto a Zoom call with my assistant and she doesn’t seem to have her usual level of energy, I could pause to ask how her day is going. I could say, “You seem a little down today. Is something wrong?” or “Has your morning been challenging? You seem a little stressed.” In other words, I’m not just politely asking, “How are you?” By making a tactful observation and showing concern, I’m showing that I genuinely want to listen. 

In one-on-ones with your employees, model how to pause and ask appropriate questions. You can also do a go-around during meetings where you prompt people to share challenges and highlights of the past day or week. Talk with them about the importance of stopping to ask questions and truly listen, too. They’ll realize you don’t see this as a waste of time, but as central to team-building.

1. Show vulnerability.

Vulnerability means embracing the idea that you can always do better. It also means being uncomfortable with uncertainty, as Brené Brown says. But too often, we resist the idea of vulnerability, trying to pretend we have all the answers or don’t feel afraid of failure. 

When you show vulnerability as a leader, you give people insights that help them move forward. You reveal your own growth process, which motivates and guides others to take similar steps. As you mentor people in one-on-one check-ins, ask questions that can help them embrace their own vulnerability:

• “Do you feel worried about your ability to handle this new task? Why?”
• “How can you handle those fears while giving it your best effort?”
• “Where do you feel like you most need to grow? How can you build those skills?”

I’m a walking testament to the fact that people can grow emotional intelligence. My wife has helped me develop these qualities, often pointing out things that I’d missed. Over time, this helped me tune into others’ reactions and what they convey about their thoughts and feelings. As a leader, this ability has been invaluable. I’m not perfect, but I try to ask good questions and listen when others have something to share. And I prioritize people’s well-being, showing I genuinely care and want them to thrive.

By developing emotional intelligence and self-awareness, your employees will foster real trust and understanding. In turn, you’ll all be able to depend on one another to navigate hurdles, making your whole organization more resilient and capable of handling any challenge. Using these strategies for building emotional intelligence will help you get there.

Building a strong and emotionally intelligent team begins with hiring the right people. To discuss how to get started, set up a call. I’ll walk you through how our 12-step process ensures we find the right person for your needs. I’ll also be glad to share guidance on effectively managing virtual assistants, so you’ll get the most from each new hire. Following this advice, our clients have built long-term relationships with their VAs and executive assistants that have played an instrumental role in their success.